Sexuality without penetration: new ideas for making love

Sexuality is a vast and diverse field, offering myriad opportunities to explore pleasure and intimacy . Society has long conditioned us to associate sexuality with penetration, but it's important to understand that this view is limited. Non-penetrative sex, often misunderstood or underestimated, offers an array of sensual and erotic experiences that can enrich and deepen your sex life.

With the director Marie Vinay and her anthropologist sister Adélaïde Vinay, we went to meet women who tell their story through their intimacy and sexuality . These women's testimonies are grouped together in the video series Pluriel·le·s in five chapters that question our relationship to the body and to sexuality.

"For me sexuality, I don't necessarily want to assimilate it to the sexual act."

The 7 pillars of a fulfilling sexuality

This could almost be a topic for a dissertation, the question is so vast. Don't panic, that's not the goal here! You have to start somewhere...and the best way to get to know each other is to communicate , it can be through a pleasant conversation, a fiery dance (or not!), all these little things that will help to increase the desire before discovering yourself otherwise.

In his book “ A Cartography of Pleasure ”, Jüne Pla talks about 7 pillars of a fulfilling sexuality :

• The consent – indispensable in any situation.

• Communication – the basis for being able to express one's desires, one's desires but also what we like less or not at all.

• Creativity – there is no limit to your imagination: whether in the exploration of your fantasies, eroticism or stimulation.

• caresses – these small gestures that make our epidermis electric… this is where desire can begin.

• Self-giving – as Jüne very rightly says: “what a pleasure to give pleasure and to see that we are doing it well!”

• The mutual respect – treat others as you want to be treated, with respect. Respecting the body of the other and their feelings is essential.

• Listening and observing – be attentive to the other, his desires and his needs. Knowing how to listen to the movements of your body to give each other pleasure.

“To have a report, generally, I still need intellectual stimulation, I really need a connection”

Sexual intercourse: the basics of sex without penetration

Non-penetrative sex focuses on exploring and satisfying sexual desires without resorting to vaginal or anal penetration . We then focus on oral sex, the clitoris for female desire, the anus, the penis, the vagina, without going so far as to penetrate his or her partner.

This approach offers multiple advantages, such as:

1. An alternative for couples who prefer to avoid penetration due to health issues, personal preferences or physical difficulties ( vaginismus , episiotomy, pain during intercourse )
2. An opportunity to explore new sensations and enhance emotional and physical intimacy
3. An option to prolong foreplay during sex and stimulate arousal before reaching orgasm
4. An opportunity to focus on the other erogenous zones of both partners that are often overlooked

Sexuality without penetration: discovering new sensations

It has often been considered that making love was linked to the penetration of a partner, and that everything around it was relegated to the "foreplay", but there is lots of different ways to have non-penetrative sex .

Caresses, massaging, giving pleasure is already an exchange. "Sex is not taboo and it's not dirty" according to Jüne Plã, the creator of the account @jouissanceclub at the microphone of Caroline Pomes in the episode of our  podcast Pluriel.le.s. You can also read his excellent book A Cartography of Pleasure which includes lots of explanatory drawings on how to give pleasure to a vulva and a penis. Getting out of the foreplay/penetration/climax pattern can take time and practice, no pressure to have and everyone at their own pace, making sure you feel comfortable with your partner during your intercourse creates a climate confidence and can also promote letting go.

“I really grew up telling myself that you have to make love often, it's super important.”

Female pleasure and orgasm thanks to the clitoris

It is often underlined in our blog , the clitoris is an essential part of female sexuality and pleasure . People who say otherwise don't know the simple sweets of life!

With its 10,000 nerve endings , the clitoris is a great way to reach orgasm without penetration. Discover the secrets (not so secret today and so much the better) of clitoral pleasure and direct your partner to this magic spot next time ;)

Masturbation: solitary sexual pleasure to share with others

Masturbating is a great way to know your body, its preferences, its taboos. Much less taboo than before, female masturbation now helps many people enjoy themselves alone, whether through clitoral masturbation or penetration.

But masturbating when you make love, does it break the mood or not? Well no !! On the contrary, it adds another flavor and form of sexuality, it's very exciting to see your partner masturbate and enjoy until you come without penetration.

Advice from the Gapianne team: do not hesitate to test clitoral stimulators , it may be an excellent way to experience new emotions, thanks to sex toys for couples (or not) that suit you.

What is sapiosexuality?

We are all different in what can seduce us in the other, there are a multitude of things that can charm us, these are unique to us and can change as we meet and throughout our lives. In short there are no standards, but for those who are emotionally and sexually attracted to the spirit of the other , know that this has a name: the sapiosexuality .

“[…] I thought I was a bit frigid. […] but in fact it was the duo that didn't work and that reassured me! ”

How do we explain gender compatibility?

You can put a lot of things behind sexual compatibility , being on the same wavelength means letting go and sharing your desires with your partner, yes you guessed it… we come back to communication !

We can having different cravings… wanting sex at different times also and not being attracted to the same things, that's normal and the best thing is to talk about it and show each other what makes us happy. And don't forget, in life, there are ups and downs that influence our relationship to the body, to the mind, And that too can have an impact on your libido .

How often do you have sex with your partner?

There is no right frequency or rhythm to maintain! This is unique to each person, your desires and your desires. So we forget the three days a week, the right frequency is the one that suits you. It can change from moment to moment and it is not at all a “measurement” of the level of affection you have for your partner.

However, after a few months/years, a certain routine may set in and you may feel less like sex, that's normal. The libido can be cultivated and worked on alone and / or in pairs. We advise you to take the time to write down the things you would like to try each on your own and why not compare them with your partner.

You can write down the places where you would like to do it, the practices you would like to test, the sexual accessories etc. These moments of intimacy are precious and above all make it possible to meet to exchange tenderness, it can be “just hugs” and that is already very good.

Find in parallel our Plaisir collection which brings together ideas for sex toys, lubricants, intimate oils, games.