Sexuality without penetration: new ideas for making love

Sexuality is a vast and diverse field, offering a myriad of possibilities for exploring pleasure and intimacy . Society has long conditioned us to associate sexuality with penetration, but it's important to understand that this view is limited. Non-penetrative sex, often misunderstood or underestimated, offers a range of sensual and erotic experiences that can enrich and deepen your sex life.

With director Marie Vinay and her anthropologist sister Adélaïde Vinay, we went to meet women who tell their stories through their intimacy and sexuality . These women's testimonies are grouped together in the video series Pluriel·le·s in five chapters which question our relationship to the body and sexuality.

“For me, sexuality doesn’t necessarily mean sexual intercourse.”

The 7 pillars of a fulfilling sexuality

This could almost be a dissertation topic, the question is so vast. Don't panic, that's not the point here! You have to start somewhere... and The best way to get to know each other is to communicate , this can be through a pleasant conversation, a fiery dance (or not!), all these little things which will contribute to increasing desire before discovering each other in another way.

In her book “ A Cartography of Pleasure ”, Jüne Pla talks about 7 pillars of a fulfilling sexuality :

• Consent – essential in any situation.

• Communication – the basis for being able to express our desires, our wishes but also what we like less or not at all.

• Creativity – there are no limits to your imagination: whether in exploring your fantasies, eroticism or stimulation.

• The caresses – those little gestures that make our skin electric… that’s where desire can begin.

• The gift of self – as Jüne rightly says: “what a joy to give pleasure and to see that we do it well!”

• Mutual respect – treat others as you want to be treated, with respect. Respecting others' bodies and feelings is essential.

• Listening and observing – be attentive to others, their desires and needs. Know how to listen to their body movements to give each other pleasure.

“To have a relationship, generally, I still need intellectual stimulation, I really need a connection.”

Intercourse: The Basics of Non-Penetrative Sex

Non-penetrative sex focuses on exploring and satisfying sexual desires without resorting to vaginal or anal penetration . The focus is on oral sex, the clitoris for female desire, the anus, the penis, the vagina, without going as far as penetrating one's partner.

This approach offers multiple advantages, such as:

1. An alternative for couples who prefer to avoid penetration due to health problems, personal preferences or physical difficulties ( vaginismus , episiotomy, pain during intercourse )
2. An opportunity to explore new sensations and strengthen emotional and physical intimacy
3. An option to prolong foreplay during intercourse and boost arousal before reaching orgasm
4. An opportunity to focus on other erogenous zones of both partners that are often neglected

Non-penetrative sex: discovering new sensations

It has often been considered that making love was linked to the penetration of a partner, and that everything around it was relegated to “foreplay”, but there is lots of different ways to have sex without penetration .

Caressing, massaging, giving each other pleasure is already an exchange. “Sex is not taboo and it is not dirty,” says Jüne Plã, the creator of the account. @jouissanceclub at the microphone of Caroline Pomes in the episode of our  Pluriel.le.s podcast. You can also read her excellent book A Pleasure Map which includes lots of explanatory drawings on how to give pleasure to a vulva and a penis. Getting out of the foreplay / penetration / orgasm pattern can take time and practice, there is no pressure and everyone at their own pace, making sure that you feel comfortable with your partner during your intercourse creates a climate of trust and can also encourage letting go.

“I really grew up telling myself that you have to make love often, it’s really important.”

Female pleasure and orgasm through the clitoris

As we often point out in our blog, the clitoris is essential to female sexuality and pleasure . People who say otherwise don't know the simple pleasures of life!

With its 10,000 nerve endings , the clitoris is a great way to achieve orgasm without penetration. Discover the secrets (not so secret anymore, and so much the better) of clitoral pleasure and direct your partner to this magical spot next time ;)

Masturbation: solitary sexual pleasure to be shared with others

Masturbating is a great way to get to know your body, your preferences, and your taboos. Much less taboo than before, female masturbation now helps many people enjoy themselves, whether through clitoral masturbation or penetration.

But masturbating while making love, does it ruin the mood or not? Well no!! On the contrary, it adds another flavor and form of sexuality, it's very exciting to see your partner masturbate and take pleasure until they come without penetration.

Advice from the Gapianne team: don't hesitate to try clitoral stimulators , it can be an excellent way to experience new emotions, thanks to sex toys for couples (or not) that suit you.

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What is sapiosexuality?

We are all different in what can seduce us in others, there are a multitude of things that can charm us, these are specific to us and can change over the course of our encounters and throughout our lives. In short, there are no standards, but for those who are emotionally and sexually attracted to the spirit of the other , know that this has a name: sapiosexuality .

“[…] I thought I was a bit frigid. […] but in fact it was the duo that wasn’t working and that reassured me!”

How do you explain sexual accounting?

There are many things that can be put behind sexual compatibility , being on the same wavelength involves letting yourself go and sharing your desires with your partner, yes you guessed it… we come back to communication !

We can have different desires… want sex at different times also and not be attracted to the same things, this is normal and the best thing is to talk about it and show each other what makes us happy. And don't forget, in life, there are ups and downs that influence the relationship with our body, our mind, and that too can have an impact on your libido .

How often should you sleep with your partner?

There's no right frequency or rhythm to stick to! It's unique to each person, your desires and wishes. So forget about three days a week, the right frequency is the one that suits you. It can change from one moment to the next and it's not at all a "measure" of the level of affection you have for your partner.

However, after a few months/years, a certain routine can set in and you may have less desire for sex, this is normal. Libido can be cultivated and worked on alone and/or as a couple. We advise you to take the time to note down the things you would like to try each on your own and why not compare them with your partner.

You can note the places where you would like to do it, the practices you would like to try, the sexual accessories etc. These moments of intimacy are precious and above all allow you to meet up to exchange tenderness, it can be “just cuddles” and that is already very good.

Also discover our collections of sex toys , lubricants, intimate oils , and games like our silk handcuffs for couples.

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